The Illusion of “Doing What Makes You Happy” –And What It Really Takes

This piece was written earlier in my professional journey, at a time when I was navigating questions of purpose, vocation, and the pressure to “have it all figured out.” I share it now not as advice, but as a reflection of the emotional complexity many of us face when trying to build a life that feels aligned. These questions still live at the heart of my work with clients: how do we know what matters? And what does it take to pursue it?

~6 min read • Reflections on Identity, Purpose, and Realignment

“You should do whatever makes you happy.”

It’s a phrase I’ve heard since I was young, perhaps like most Millennials. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. How are we meant to pursue what makes us happy when wages are low, experience is demanded for every decent job, and even the non-materialists among us still need money to survive?

I’ve always admired people who, despite their age or resources, carve a path toward what they love; whether it’s painting, dancing, writing, humanitarian work, or starting a business. But I found myself doing the opposite. Just before finishing my psychology undergraduate degree, I accepted an internship in HR at a large financial firm. “Why not?” I thought. “It’s stable, it’ll look good on a CV, and jobs are hard to come by.” Within three months, I was burnt out, disillusioned, and —in all honesty— spending more time playing games on my phone than doing work I cared about.

I spoke with friends, family, and even my therapist. Reactions varied: “That’s life,” some said. “Run,” said others. But what I noticed most was a common belief: that struggle, dissatisfaction, even misery are normal at the start of your career; as if suggesting that suffering should always be a rite of passage before eventual success.

And maybe that was once true. Many of us were raised by people from a generation who believed that happiness came after years of sacrifice. But that equation no longer holds. The landscape has changed. We live under the shadow of precarious work, economic uncertainty, inflated expectations, and systems where climbing the ladder is less about merit and more about timing, leverage, and luck.

A Generational Shift in Values

This isn’t to say that our generation is lost or entitled. But we are being forced to adapt and to redefine success. We’re questioning whether it’s worth sacrificing health, creativity, and purpose in exchange for security that may never arrive.

For many, the result is existential confusion: if not this, then what? Some check out altogether. Others set the bar low to avoid disappointment. Still others —like me at the time— find themselves in jobs that offer neither meaning nor growth, but feel too afraid or “responsible” to leave.

Yet slowly, something has shifted. Our locus of control is turning inward. Success isn’t just about external status or possessions anymore. It’s becoming about inner alignment. And that’s not an excuse for laziness or escapism; it’s a reckoning with what actually sustains us.

Reframing Responsibility

But this reckoning comes with a cost: we have to decide for ourselves. The government, our parents, our teachers, even God, if you believe in one; they’re not dictating our next move. We are. And that level of responsibility is terrifying.

How do we know if we’re making the right choice? How long should we stay in a job that doesn’t inspire us? Is it self-indulgent to walk away, or self-harming to stay?

These are the questions I was asking. And slowly, I realised that my discomfort wasn’t just about the job or the salary. It was about trying to live up to an outdated ideal. The words duty, perseverance, effort; these are meaningful values, but they become toxic when disconnected from purpose.

Having a job is a privilege. But that doesn’t mean every job must be endured indefinitely. As the saying goes: “Wise people change their minds; fools never do.”

Realignment Requires Courage

Knowing what you want isn’t always an epiphany. Sometimes it’s trial and error. There’s a big difference between enjoying something and feeling truly passionate about it. And the only way to find out is by trying, and being willing to change course.

That’s what I started to do. I didn’t resign on the spot, but I began shifting. Writing again. Restarting my yoga practice. Reconnecting with the parts of me I’d put on hold. Small, consistent actions. Baby steps toward alignment.

And I believe that’s what “doing what makes you happy” really requires—not naïve optimism, but introspection, courage, flexibility, and honesty. The courage to admit when something no longer serves you. The flexibility to try something new. The honesty to acknowledge what you truly want, even if it takes time to get there.

Reinvention as Self-Knowledge

Reinvention can be intimidating. But it’s also a profound act of self-knowledge. It forces us to ask: Is this what I really want? Or am I here out of fear, expectation, or inertia?

For some of us, this realignment might mean leaving a job. For others, it’s an inner shift, a redefinition of success. Either way, it demands that we take ourselves seriously.

In the end, I don’t believe “doing what makes you happy” is a destination. It’s a process. And it’s far more meaningful (and complex) than the slogan suggests.

Feeling stuck in a role or season that no longer fits?

Therapy can offer a space to reflect, reset, and reorient from a place of clarity.