On Psychotherapy and the Process of Becoming

This reflective piece emerged from my early clinical and personal explorations, when I was first questioning the nature of being and the intricate dance between inner life and external reality. Today, I present it as a timeless exploration of what it means to engage in genuine, transformative psychotherapy; an invitation to rediscover the inner alchemy that shapes us.

~7 min read • Explorations of identity, healing, and transformation

Who am I? Where do I come from? Where am I going?

At some point in life, most of us ask these questions not out of abstraction, but necessity. They arise in moments of transition, grief, crisis, or quiet restlessness. They reflect our deep need to make sense of who we are and what it means to be here, now.

In the modern world, where immediacy, consumption, and fragmentation often take centre stage, these questions can feel almost subversive. We live surrounded by distraction. In a society where even identity can be commodified, we are often drawn into illusion, clinging to certainty, roles, or surface-level control. And yet, again and again, we return to the fundamental question: what is the Self? What does it mean to be?

Many traditions have tried to answer this: existential philosophy, Buddhist psychology, psychoanalysis, humanistic theory. None can fully explain it, yet each offers something useful. The ancient oracle at Delphi advised: “Know thyself.”But this is no easy task. To truly know oneself requires patience, courage, and a willingness to face what we fear most: impermanence, emptiness, and our own contradictions.

Existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom proposed that four existential concerns lie at the core of our suffering: Death, Freedom, Isolation, and Meaninglessness. These forces, often unacknowledged, shape the way we love, work, connect, and suffer. Our need to control, to feel safe, to belong, these are strategies to avoid facing what we can’t fully resolve. In Buddhist terms, this suffering stems from attachment or our refusal to accept that all things change.

Even culture itself can be understood as an attempt to stabilise what is ultimately unstable. But when we over-rely on structures, identities, or material goods to give us meaning, they become brittle. When they collapse, so too can our sense of self.

The Being as a Process

So, what is “Being”? To me, it is not a fixed essence. It is a process.

We are born into disconnection: from others, from truth, from ourselves. In response, we construct identities (personas, coping styles, illusions). But beneath that, something calls us back toward integration. Sometimes, we get stuck. And that’s where therapy can help.

Humanistic thinkers like Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, and Alfred Adler offered a new vision of the person, not as a collection of symptoms, but as a being with potential, yearning, and depth. They invited psychology to look beyond pathology and into the possibility of self-actualisation. The therapeutic relationship became a place not only to manage pain, but to grow, to re-author meaning, and to reconnect with a sense of wholeness.

Beyond the Mask

Maslow went even further. His contributions to transpersonal psychology suggested that beyond even self-actualisation lies something more: a spiritual dimension to human life. He opened a space for psychology to dialogue with mysticism, contemplation, and transcendence.

But first, we must meet ourselves. Jung called this the process of individuation. In many Eastern traditions, it’s described as shedding the ego or the persona (the social mask) in order to see clearly. In yogic psychology, this process is embodied in the metaphor of the chakras: energy centres representing the stages of personal evolution.

Each stage involves a confrontation with survival, identity, intimacy, ego, expression, insight, and finally, transcendence. These are not linear steps, but recurring themes we face again and again.

To grow psychologically, we must move from the desire to control to the willingness to surrender. This doesn’t mean submission but an openness to what arises. It means recognising that our truth is not separate from others’, and that love, not performance, is the ultimate transformation.

The Threshold of Transformation

In therapeutic terms, many modalities focus on the first stages: insight, integration, accountability. Freud famously said the goal of therapy was to “love and to work.” And indeed, many clients arrive at a place where they are no longer governed by trauma or stuckness. They feel capable, responsible, emotionally free. But is that the end of the path?

Jung suggests no. After the shadow is integrated, after the ego is strong, a deeper shift begins: one that invites us into the mystery of what lies beyond the self.

This is what he called transformation: a psychological and spiritual threshold. In Buddhist terms, it might be likened to Sunyata (emptiness) or Bardo (transition): a moment of surrender, where all constructs fall away. Not as annihilation, but as clarity. A soft, radiant knowing that we are no longer separate. That we are one.

And the Therapist?

In this kind of work, the therapist does not position themselves as expert, fixer, or guide. Instead, they walk beside the client; sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, but always with deep respect for the mystery of the process.

And so, the question remains:

At what point in the journey does the psychotherapist say goodbye?

Perhaps the answer is: when the client no longer needs to ask.

If this exploration of psychotherapy and becoming resonates with you, consider booking a free intro call. Let’s explore your own journey towards inner transformation together.